


Doppler's Distance

by blessende



Series: Searching for Levi [7]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Boxing & Fisticuffs, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 15:06:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14114970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessende/pseuds/blessende
Summary: When you are in a long distance relationship, you learn to do what you can do and what you can't. The story of a fiery star and a frigid planet. Set in the Searching for Levi universe. Year 2008.





	Doppler's Distance

 

 

_2008_

 

Doppler's Distance

_(aka The Ghost who doomed Eren's Chances at a Social Life)_

~.~

 

 

The name of Eren's boxing coach was Finlay. Eren called the pugilist 'Fin' though the man, being a temperamental sort, insisted on being called _Mister_ Fin. To be honest, Eren wished he didn’t have to call him that because _Mister Fin_ gave Eren the image of a shark in Don Corleone's clothes, smoking a cigar and that was just wrong. So very _wrong._ The coach shoved the punching bag in the brunet's face, steering him away from that runaway imagination of his.

'Oye, Jaeger. Concentrate, will yeh? The featherweigh’ quarterfinals are this Saturday! SATURDAY! Did yeh forget?'

Eren nodded anxiously.

'No, sir. I remember,’ he vowed.

'This is yer last year of high school, Jaeger. Do yeh want to be beaten by Kirstein again? Do yeh?'

And here, the Irish coach certainly hit a sore nerve.

'Hell no!' Eren answered, punching the bag with all his might and watched it bounce on its stump. From the corner of his green eyes, he could see his rival, the aforementioned ‘Kirstein’ training hard in the same arena. Jean's coach was working the taller boy to the bone, barking to the ashbrown head a medley of praises and insults in the same breath.

Eren found Coach Fin's hands— bony and gnarled from years in the ring— grasping his own head and giving it a vigorous shake.

'I said to _concentrate,_ didn't I?' Fin barked, spitting on the floor. (Boxing coaches were always spitting on things, and Eren had learnt a long time ago to stay clear of the spitting zone.). 'Alrigh', lemme see that straight cut of yours, runt!'

'Yes, sir!' affirmed Eren, pulling back and moving into stance. He did a bit of shadow boxing to warm up, before swinging his fist outright into the coach's padded hands. Finlay caught his punch with ease and barked at him to try once again. A hook shot this time. Eren curled his wrist and shot out with all he had, but the coach was again far from impressed. He sidestepped the boy with ease. Eren launched into a whirl of blows next, and Coach Fin guarded himself well against each offensive.

They stopped parrying long enough to allow Eren to catch his breath.

'Jaeger,' his coach began, clearly unhappy with the results. 'This is no good.'

Eren stared at him.

‘No good?’

‘Yes, yeh ‘ave pluck but little else.’

'But sir—'

'I know what yer problem is.'

Eren dropped his fists, sapped of energy. Oh boy, here it comes. The lecture on what a slacker he was. How he needed to do a hundred squats and a hundred planks every day.  'Let me guess. I'm not putting enough spirit into it?' he offered, mouth twitching into a ginger smile.

The coach shook his head.

'Ha! It’s the opposite... frankly, yer overdoing it!'

Eren looked at the man, flummoxed.

Coach Fin gave the novice a demonstration, showing Eren how to slice his fist through the air and catch his opponent off guard.

'Like this. Yeh’ave to be like water! Smooth as water. Sublime, boy, not forceful. But no! Yeh are just putting too much testosterone into it. I get it. Yeh ‘ve turned eighteen. It's the age for hormones, yada, yada. I know just what ye' need.'

Eren paled.

'More practice?' he asked with dread. ‘More exercise?’

Coach Fin shook his head again and scoffed at the suggestion.

'Nah. You, Jaeger—' the man announced in his deep, booming voice. ‘Yeh need to get _laid._ ’

The coach's declaration didn’t go unheard. It left a graveyard silence in the boxing arena. Partners stopped sparring; referees stopped barking rules; the other enthusiasts of the boxing club looked up from their spots to stare at the brunet in bemusement. From across the hall, there was an audible thud. Jean had been engrossed in doing training rounds of his own and had been so startled by Coach Finlay's advice, his head whirled in Eren’s direction, missing the boomerang return of his own punching bag. It hit Jean square on the back of his head, toppling him over like a domino.

Jean's yelp could be heard loud and clear in the silence.

So, could Eren's single worded reply.

' _What_?' blurted out Eren, his dark brown eyebrows shooting skyward.

 

 

 

 

Eren lay on his bed, reading patterns on the ceiling dejectedly. His back was sweat drenched from practice, and he had been so stumped by Mister Fin's advice, he couldn’t even change out of his gym shorts. His life until then had been a rollercoaster ride. For one, he was leading the dual, secret life of a PeaceCorp. Secondly, he was graduating both the Training Corps and High School this year. And to be honest, he didn't know which was scarier of the two. Thirdly, his silly green leprechaun of an Irish Coach wanted him to get laid (by hook or crook). And preferably by Saturday, before the quarterfinals against Jean Kirstein.

Shit. Eren Jaeger had never been good with deadlines.

Of course, there was the bigger problem of _who_ he ought to get laid by. There was only one answer, and it was not likely to happen any time soon. Because he was in love with a man elder to him by a decade, his senior, his State sanctioned guardian, a sadistic pokerface with a tendency to make violent threats. And oh yeah, who was also two and a half million light years away. Not exactly the sort of long distance relationship that made for a great, promising sex life. And it didn't help that Levi had decided to blue-ball him despite Eren's repeated assurances that no, he did _not_ carry any STD's and that yes, he was capable of a _mature_ relationship.

Eren looked at his wrist watch, wondering if he should call the man.

 

_You can contact me on Gale if it's a life-threatening emergency._

_Emphasis on life threatening._

 

Eren rued if this dilemma of his counted as life threatening. Beating Jean at his game was indeed a matter of life and death. And so, the teenager decided to leg it.

'Gale,' he called out to the Network. 'Connect me to Levi.'

The network clicked once before establishing the connection. There were three rings before his call was finally picked up.

Soon, the cantankerous, surly voice of the Corporal filled the silence of Eren's room. There were no greetings, no false pretences of camaraderie.

'Tell me you're dying. Because that's the only pardonable excuse you can have for calling me at this hour.’

Eren closed his eyes for a moment, basking in the voice. He stifled a smile.

'You there?' the voice urged.

'Y-Yeah.'

There was a brief silence.

'What is it, Jaeger?'

Eren had an entire speech planned out. But at this critical juncture, his spirit deserted him.

'Corporal... I have a situation. My boxing coach thinks...' he gulped, wondering if there was a less blunt way of putting it to words. 'My boxing coach— uh, he thinks that… thatIneedtogetlaid,' he said it so quickly that the words got mashed into one another.

There was a heavy pause. When the seconds stretched to minutes, Eren began to worry that either Gale had lost the link or maybe the man had hung up on him.

But there was static on the connection, and Levi spoke after a decisive long moment.

'You have a death wish, don't you, Eren?’

The teenager cringed.

‘If your coach wants you to jump from the roof of a high rise, do us all a favour and jump. If he wants you to find someone to shag, then do it, you stupid moron. Do I look like a mailbox to you? Do I look like a fucking relationship advice column?'

Eren gritted his teeth.

'You're kidding, right? Do you realise what you're telling me to do?'

He heard the smirk in his guardian's tone. 'I am serious. In fact, I'll throw in some free advice too. If it's a girl, make sure you use protection. If it's a boy, make sure you use protection _and_ lube. Preparation is must whichever sex is stupid enough to fall for you. First time is tricky and painful. No one likes being mauled rough and for fuck sake, try not to bring your Earthly diseases when you come back.'

There was a heavy pause.

Eren let a finger hover over his wrist watch. He was glaring at the dial.

'Yes, Corporal,' Eren answered to the challenge. 'And you know what? I think I will do it. Thanks a lot,' said Eren, adding 'asshole' under his breath and disconnected from Gale.

Eren pulled out the strap of his comm.. and buried it in his bedside drawer, fuming.

There was a buzz, and Eren realised it was his phone. He fished it out of the blazer hanging on his chair and read through the message Armin had sent him. Armin was asking him to check the school's online forum; apparently someone had posted a message on his behalf. Not liking the sound of it, Eren traipsed over to his laptop computer and booted it. He sat down at his desk and waited, muttering under his breath about the jackass corporal from hell. When he was finally online, he logged in to the forum and scrolled down through the posts. He found the one Armin had warned him about.

 

 

_EREN JAEGER, looking for an easy lay._

_Gender no bar._

_Contact him at the following number- XXX-XX-XXX._

 

 

His first reaction to the post was indignation. But then, but _then_... he thought about the Corporal's advice.

Armin called his cell, sounding frantic on his behalf.

'Don't worry, Eren. I'm sure it's one of Jean's pranks again. We can report this to the administrator and they’ll take it down—'

Eren shook his head, his jade eyes reading the post for the seventeenth time.

'No,' Eren cut in.

'Wait... Did you just say 'no'?' Armin asked him.

'Yes, I mean this is good. This is exactly what I need. That asshole thinks I can't get laid, right? Well, I am just about to kill two birds with one stone. It's perfect!'

 

 

 

 

 

It was perfect until the moment there was a knock on his front door, and a young man introducing himself as 'Grapevine', stripped himself down to his Dolce and Gabbana underwear and curled up against Eren's headboard. Against Eren's effing headboard. The brunet almost had a nervous breakdown. The hairs on Eren's neck stood up, and he politely excused himself to the bathroom, where he spent the next quarter of an hour calling Armin.

The blond was late to pick up his call.

'Armin!' Eren hissed.

There was a pause.

'What did you do this time?' his best friend sighed.

'I've got a naked dude on my bed,' Eren crouched by the door, opened it by a slip and sneaked a glance at his room. The young man was still waiting, bare chested, legs sprawled in front of him, posing like The Birth of Venus. ' _Very_ naked by the way,' Eren made due note.

'Who is he?' asked Armin.

'I don't have a clue. He says he is from AP calculus. I don't remember seeing him.'

Armin gave a sigh.

'That's because you spent most of your time sleeping in it. Eren, you got yourself into this mess. Get yourself out, buster.'

Eren went pale.

'No, no, don't hang up on me. Come on, Armin. What am I supposed to do? I… I haven’t done this kinda thing before.'

Armin snorted.

'Well, I think you should ask that to the naked dude on your bed. I'm sure he'd be very interested in teaching you.'

'Arminnn!'

There was a faint sigh on the other end.

'Eren, this is exactly why you need to go on a proper date. And not choose a shortcut.' the blond paused. 'Okay, I have a plan.'

'A plan? What is it?' Eren urged earnestly.

'Stay put.'

Eren snorted. 'That's your mastermind plan? STAY PUT? And do what? Make conversation with the showerhead?'

Meanwhile in the bedroom of Eren Jaeger, the young man who called himself 'Grapevine' wondered what was taking his new beau so long. He wondered if he should start the preparations from his end, when his thoughts were interrupted. He heard beeps. Simple, mechanical beeps. He traced the source of the noise to the bedside drawer and found a watch inside. It was a peculiar device, for it had the dial of normal watch but at its circumference, there were small switches. A green, oblique button was lit up and like any other curious teenager of our Earth would be expected to do, he pressed it. Against his better judgment.

'About time,' grumbled an impatient voice.

Grapevine looked at the watch in puzzlement.

Did it just speak?

There was a long, awkward stretch of silence.

'You're not Eren, are you?' the voice commandeered its way through their conversation.

'No, sir,' said Grapevine, though he wasn't sure why he appended his answer with 'sir'. It just seemed like the proper thing to do.

'You aren't here to sleep with that brat, are you?' the voice asked next.

Grapevine wasn't sure why he was being given the third degree by a watch, but he answered yes, that was exactly his intention, _sir._

There was a small pause.

'I hope you have your will written out,' remarked the ghost.

'My... will?'

'Yeah. And your gravestone too. Because obviously, you're not informed that the boy you’re soliciting sex from is suffering from trichomoniasis.'

'Tricho- _what?_ '

'Deadly disease. Sexually transmitted. Incurable. Subject dies within a week. Excruciating pain from day three of onset. Patient Eren Jaeger is on day two, imbecile.'

'B-But I... haven't heard anything about a trichowhateveritis.'

'That's because it's an epidemic, and your government has hushed it up. But trust me, people will be falling like dominoes soon. Considering how you Earthborns fornicate like rabbits, no surprise there. So, do you want to stick around and get a STD for one night's joy ride or do you value what little is left of your useless existence? Choice is entirely yours.'

It wasn’t a difficult choice.

Grapevine shot out of bed, gathered his things and left the room without blinking twice.

When Eren decided to finally emerge out of his bathroom (he got tired of conversing with the showerhead and the toilet), he had a whole speech formed in his head where he intended to apologise to Grapevine and explain that perhaps, he wasn’t really ready for all this.

Except his room was empty.

And so was his bed.

Surprisingly, Eren wasn't disappointed. He was in fact relieved.

Coach Finlay had a difference in opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

It was a starry night.

Eren took a can of beer, Oreos (yes, he liked them very much) and his wrist watch to the roof top. He sat down on the cool tiles of the terrace and popped open the beer, watching the liquid fizz out. He was celebrating his tragic loss at the quarterfinals. Coach Finlay had been so disappointed with him, he’d announced retirement. Because Eren had been disqualified, and Jean declared winner by default. But hey, he managed to land a solid suckerpunch to the horseface right before the referee gave a shrill whistle and called a time out. That should count as worth celebrating. Right?

Eren rubbed at the bruises on his cheeks, wincing inwardly.

Gale signalled an incoming transmission, and Eren lunged to receive it.

Again, there were no greetings.

'So... you won?' the voice asked, cutting straight to the chase.

Eren gave a chuckle.

'Nope.'

'Despite getting laid? Your coach was way off the mark. It's not a problem with your testosterone, trooper. Admit it, you're just _pathetic_ at fist fights.'

Eren smiled, his gaze moving to the stars.

'Maybe you can teach me, sir. Next time.'

The older rebuked him.

'It's bad enough that I have to babysit you. I'm a busy man, brat.'

Eren hummed pleasantly.

'And yet, you're here talking to me on your day off. Admit it, you're just lonely, sir.'

'Pfft,' came the response from the other end.

There was a strange, uncalled for silence, and Eren traced the constellation of Orion in the sky, the glittering stars of the Hunter.

'Hey Corporal,' Eren said, smiling into the communicator. 'It's a great view on this side. How is it on yours?'

He heard his guardian shuffle. Eren heard the doors to the balcony of 1263 open. The sound of footsteps dwindled down, and maybe Levi was outside, trying to look up at the stars too.

'View's terrible. Smoggy as always. And Mrs Norman's pesky cats are mewling themselves to death like tragic little horrors.'

Eren bit back a smile, imagining the grimace on his guardian's face.

'Well, on the bright side, you’ve got me,' the boy told him.

A pause.

'True. You, me... and _Gale,_ huh?'

 

 

* * *

 


End file.
